


All You Had You Wasted

by flawedamythyst



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, People making stupid decisions, bad relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-21
Updated: 2007-07-21
Packaged: 2018-10-16 08:19:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedamythyst/pseuds/flawedamythyst
Summary: Dean hadn't really meant to end up in a relationship with Jo - it just sort of happened, really.





	

Dean hadn't really meant to end up in a relationship with Jo - it just sort of happened, really. He'd slept with her a couple of times when they'd been staying overnight at the Roadhouse because, well, it took a better man than him to say no when a hot chick was all but throwing herself at him. Then Ellen had taken him to one side and told him in no uncertain terms that if he even thought about hurting Jo, she'd cut his balls off with a pair of wire cutters. Dean knew she meant it as well, so he'd told her that of course he wouldn't and given her what he hoped was a convincing smile. When he'd gone back to the bar, Jo had caught his eye, grinned and given him a beer on the house. He drank it very slowly and tried to work out what the fuck he was going to do.

After the next job, he'd been planning to go down south, maybe see if they could find some voodoo shit to sort out just so they could catch the tail-end of summer, then Sam had suggested going back to the Roadhouse with a knowing wink. That had made Dean pause because how could he explain to Sam, Mr Committed Relationship, that he wasn’t really going out with Jo, he was just fucking her and everyone had got the wrong end of the stick? He could already picture Sam's face, and the way he'd be so disappointed with Dean, as if he'd been let down. Instead, Dean plastered on a grin and nodded, and just like that he was going out with Jo.

It wasn't so bad, really. She was hot, and good in bed, and didn't piss him off most of the time. Plus, she smiled whenever they came into the Roadhouse and gave them free beer, and it felt nice to be welcome somewhere, to have someone glad to see him. It was just sex, really - there was always another case to rush off on, and so it wasn’t like he really had to spend much time with her outside of the bedroom. Sam liked having somewhere regular to go back to as well - it appealed to the part of him that still craved a normal, settled down kind of life, so Dean just sucked it up and went with it. It was all fine, right up until Jo curled up against him after a particularly exhausting round of sex and murmured, "I love you" into his chest.

Crap.

There was no way Dean could lie to her about that - even he wasn't that much of a bastard - but he couldn’t just ignore it either. He settled for kissing the top of her head and hoped that would be enough. It seemed to be - she smiled and fell asleep, leaving Dean lying awake, wondering what the hell he was going to do. There was no way this was going to end well, and then Ellen was going to take him apart with wire cutters.

 

****

 

Jo tried to be understanding, she really did. Her mother had warned her from the start that Dean was a hunter through and through, and that meant the job would always come first, and Jo was ok with that, she really was. After all, she loved Dean and she loved that he was so passionate about dedicating his life to helping people. Anyway, it wasn't the job she was jealous of, it was Sam. Her mother hadn't warned her about that.

The two Winchesters would come in to the bar after a hunt and Dean would grin at her, take the beer she gave him, then spend the rest of the evening talking to Sam - as if it was Sam he hadn’t seen for several days rather than Jo. And if he did talk to Jo at all, then all it took was for Sam to re-enter the room, or call Dean's name, and his attention was gone, focusing back on Sam as if he was the only one there.

It should be sweet that he cared so much about his brother, but Jo couldn’t help wishing that she had the same level of his attention. She knew Dean loved her, even if he didn't say it - and she was okay that he didn't, because she knew he wasn't the kind of guy who said things like that out loud. It was enough that he kissed her when she said it - she could tell what he meant by that. She just wanted more sometimes, wanted to feel important to him in the same way that Sam was - at the very least, she wished Sam was around less often, but it seemed that wherever Dean was, Sam would show up not long after.

She ended up taking it out on Sam, glaring at him when he interrupted her conversations with Dean and snapping at him in the mornings when Dean got out of bed when he heard Sam get up. She heard them talking about it after she'd been particularly short with Sam over breakfast.

"I think your girlfriend hates me," said Sam, after she'd swept out, and Jo felt a thrill of pleasure at being called Dean's girlfriend.

"Nah," said Dean, "She's just annoyed that you ate the last of the Lucky Charms." Jo rolled her eyes, wishing Dean was less oblivious.

"Oh," said Sam, and she could almost hear the frown in his voice. "Do you think I should get her a new box?"

"Nah, she'll get over it," replied Dean. "Hey, you want to stop by Bobby's today?" And just like that, she was dismissed from the conversation. She gritted her teeth and headed up to the bathroom.

She talked to Ash about it. He probably wasn't the best choice, but she couldn’t talk to her mother about it after the talk they'd had when she'd first got together with Dean. Ash had just shrugged and said, "Well, yeah. That's Winchesters though, isn't it? It's all about family with them."

And maybe that's why she'd said it. Ash's words must have prompted the idea deep in her subconscious, although she hadn't known she was going to say it until it came out. She was lying in bed with Dean, her head resting on his chest, listening to the last of the Roadhouse's customers get thrown out by her mother.

"Dean," she said into the quiet moment.

"Hmmm?" he replied, sounding as if he'd been dropping off.

"How long are you staying this time?" she asked.

She felt him shrug. "I think Sam's found some mysterious deaths in Maine, so we'll probably go tomorrow."

She felt her heart sink - they'd only arrived that evening. "Oh, I was kinda hoping you'd stick around a bit longer."

"Sorry," said Dean, not really sounding it.

"Well, will you stay longer next time?" she asked, not with much hope. "Maybe a few days? There's a circus coming through the area - we could go."

She could feel him shake his head. "We can’t really take holidays," he said. Then added, "Besides, Sam hates circuses. Got a real clown phobia."

She fought her frustration - she hadn't wanted Sam to come anyway. She'd wanted it to be her and Dean, on a proper date for once rather than eating peanuts at the bar before going up to her room. And then it had just slipped out. "I'm pregnant."

Dean didn't move for a moment, then he sat up with a rush and grabbed at her shoulders. "Seriously?" he asked, and she couldn't tell what his tone meant - if he was happy or pissed, but she couldn’t back down now, so she nodded.

He just stared at her for another long minute, looking shell-shocked. "And it's mine?"

"Of course!" she exclaimed, feeling insulted.

"Oh," he said, then a slow grin spread over his face and she felt herself relax slightly. "Seriously?" he said again.

She let herself smile as she nodded, not thinking about what a bad idea this was.

 

 

He didn't go to Maine the next day. When Sam banged on the door yelling, "Come on Dean, get your lazy ass out of bed," Dean had slipped out of bed, opened the door and had a quick whispered conversation with him.

"Seriously?" said Sam, throwing a glance at her, then he'd grinned and clapped an arm on Dean's shoulder. Dean shut the door on him and came back to the bed, back to her and suddenly it seemed she was the centre of his attention. He lay in bed with her for most of the morning, one hand resting on her stomach. When they did go downstairs, he made lunch for her, making her just sit and watch. Sam, who'd been on the laptop in the kitchen when they came in, hugged her and told her to take it easy, looking almost as happy as Dean was, then left her and Dean alone.

Her mother wasn't too pleased about it, but Ash grinned and told her he wouldn't give the kid a fake ID until it was at least 18, and, really, everything was perfect. Except, of course, that there wasn't a baby. Jo could fix that though - she just had to get pregnant quickly enough so that no one would ever know. People got pregnant all the time - it couldn’t be that hard, right? She threw out all their condoms, telling Dean there was no point in bolting the door after the horse had got away, and started to pray.

When her first period came after that, she gritted her teeth and told herself there was still time. After all, Dean was around a lot more now, and stayed for longer when he did come, so there was plenty of chances. He started talking about giving up hunting, at least for a few years while the baby was young, and getting a regular job and a place for them to live together. Jo imagined waking up beside Dean in their own apartment and told herself that she would get pregnant, she would.

When her second period came, she nearly cried. She went up to her room and pulled out her tampons, which she'd hopefully buried in a back drawer, telling herself that she still had a chance, she could still make this work if she tried really hard over the next few weeks.

Then Ash came crashing in, saying, "Hey, Jo, do you know where..." before stopping short, staring at the tampons as Jo could see his genius brain leaping to conclusions.

"It's not what it looks like," she said quickly, but it was too late.

"Yeah?" he said, "Cos you've stayed surprisingly skinny the last few months. And you haven’t had morning sickness once." He shook his head, looking horrified, "Jesus, Jo, what have you done?"

She didn't really have an answer to that but Ash didn't seem to expect one. "You've got to tell him," he said, his usually laid back manner disappearing.

Jo gaped at him. How could she do that? She couldn't imagine what Dean would do if he found out she’d lied about this.

"Jo," repeated Ash, "You HAVE to tell him. And if you don't, I will."

At that moment, almost as if it was fate, they heard the distinctive rumble of the Impala drawing into the parking lot.

"Ash," she said, pleadingly, "give me a couple of weeks - I can fix this. It could still happen."

Ash snorted. "It's too late," he said, "Do you think no one can count? Even if Dean doesn't, you can bet your ass Sam will."

Outside, doors slammed.

"You tell him," said Ash, firmly, "You have to."

 

****

 

Sam followed Dean into the Roadhouse, watching the bounce in his step and trying not to grin. He'd been a bit dubious about this thing with Jo to start with - he'd just had visions of Ellen coming after them both with a shotgun when Dean got bored of it - after all, Dean wasn't exactly the monogamous type.

Ever since Jo had become pregnant though, Dean had been on cloud nine, talking about settling down with her as if he hadn't told Sam often enough that staying in one place his whole life would drive him insane. Sam wasn't that sure about Jo - she seemed a bit petty sometimes, but if she made Dean happy, then Sam could grow to like her.

They went straight through the bar into the kitchen, nodding to Ellen as they passed through. Jo and Ash came tumbling down the stairs at about the same time, Ash looking as if he was pushing Jo.

Dean smiled and hugged Jo. "How are you?” He said, then patted her stomach. "How's the baby?"

"I'm fine," said Jo, slowly, but Sam could see something was wrong. She glanced over at Ash, almost pleadingly.

"Tell them," said Ash, and Sam didn't think he'd ever heard him sound so implacable - hadn't even known he could sound implacable.

"What?" said Dean, "Is something wrong?"

Sam prayed that the baby was okay and that this wouldn't get taken from Dean as well. He heard Ellen come in behind them, but kept his eyes fixed on Jo, waiting for an answer.

"Dean," she said almost beseechingly, then paused, as if she couldn't go on.

"What's going on?" asked Ellen, but was ignored as everyone stared at Jo, waiting for whatever was coming.

"Dean, I'm so sorry, I lied - there's no baby."

Dean let go of her and stepped back. "What?" he said in a slow voice.

"I'm so sorry," she said again, "I don't know why I said it, and then you were so happy and I kept hoping that it would happen for us but...it didn't." Her voice trailed off and she sounded as if she was going to cry, but Sam only had eyes for Dean's face, for the way his jaw was clenched and his skin turning pale.

"It could still happen though," said Jo, desperately. "We could make this happen. We love each other, we can..."

"No," said Dean, and Sam didn't recognise his voice for a moment. "No, I don't love you." He paused and then gave a harsh, humourless laugh. "I never did." He turned away from her and walked out; pushing passed Ellen as if he hadn't even seen her. Sam stared at Jo, trying to find something to say to her, then gave up and followed Dean outside.

When he got in the car, Dean immediately took off without a word, driving hard and fast until they hit the middle of nowhere. He pulled over with a squeal of brakes, got out, and stalked off into the woods. Sam wasn't stupid enough to follow him, knowing he needed to be alone for now. He got out of the car and sat on the hood, leaning back on the windshield while he waited for him. It felt, he realised, a little like the baby had died. He'd been looking forward to having a little nephew or niece, to buying birthday presents that he knew would annoy Dean, and making sure that he or she read all the really important children's books. It felt like an entire possible future had been snatched away, and if it felt like that to him, he could only imagine what Dean felt like.

Dean came back after a couple of hours and Sam could see that his knuckles were cut and bruised, as if he'd been punching trees. "We're going to get drunk," he announced. Sam nodded and got back in the car. They drove to the nearest town, where Dean stocked up on alcohol at a liquor store, then checked them into a motel.

He drank in silence, finishing off each beer as if salvation lay at the bottom of the next, and Sam couldn't think of anything to say, so he just watched Dean, nursing his own beer slowly.

Ellen called at about nine, and Sam went outside to answer it.

"I'm so sorry," she said, "I don't know what she was thinking."

She sounded genuinely sorry, and Sam wondered if she'd been planning being a grandmother like he had been being an uncle. "Not your fault," he said, shortly, not trusting himself to say more.

"Yeah, well, I thought I'd taught her better than that." she paused, then asked, "How's Dean?" as if she was afraid of the answer.

"Drunk," said Sam, shortly.

Ellen sighed. "Well, tell him...tell him I'm sorry."

After she'd hung up Sam stayed outside for a moment, looking at the stars, then went back in to Dean.

A few hours later, Dean had finished all the beer and was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "The stupid thing is," he said, his words slurring together, "I knew I wasn't going to have kids - I mean, there's no place for them in this life, right? And I was ok with that, I was. But now..." his voice trailed off and his eyes slid shut.

Sam started to clear up the empty bottles and watched Dean sleep, a slight frown marring his face, and thought going back to the Roadhouse to tell Jo exactly what he thought of her. Instead, he draped a blanket over Dean, then sat down on his own bed with a sigh.

 

****

 

The Winchesters never came back to the Roadhouse, not that Ash was really expecting them to. Jo moped around for a few weeks then took off one night, leaving a note saying she'd heard about a poltergeist in Kentucky and she didn't know when she'd be back. Ash wasn't surprised by that either, he just hoped she didn't run into Dean and Sam - the look in Sam's eyes had been pretty scary, making Ash suddenly remember that both the Winchesters were hunters, and Sam was just as dangerous as Dean, even if he didn't look it. Ellen had pursed her lips when she'd read Jo's note, but said nothing.

Sam called Ash a couple of times for help with cases, and he always sounded tired. They seemed to be hunting pretty much non-stop, but he said he thought Dean was doing ok. Ash tried to sound as if he believed him and gave him all he help he could, without even bitching that he wasn't getting paid for it.


End file.
